”Strange how laughter looks like crying with no sound and how raindrops taste like tears without pain.”

I feel lost. I know I said I was going to start trying again, start living again. But I lied. I haven't tried. I am still hollow, and locked up in my room with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company. I am empty, and I have no idea how not to be empty. And all I can ask myself is: why? why is it like this? why can't I just live and be ok, be happy?

I feel drained, and empty, and lost, and hollow, and I feel like I am barely alive, even though I feel my heart beating in my chest, a never ending drumming, I don't feel alive, I feel cold and dead. I am uninspired, I cannot think, I cannot work, and when I try this is all that comes out of my head. No focus, no nothing. 

I also miss home. I miss my family. My friends. My hometown. I miss the snowy streets, even though your socks get wet when you walk outside, I miss the biting cold ripping at my limbs, making my body feel as cold as I feel, making me numb. I miss it all. Winter. I miss winter. I miss myself.