MY WORLD IS A SILENT DELIRIUM

It's been kind of quiet on this blog for a little while, I haven't really been posting as much as I would like, as much as I can. I've sat down many times and opened up the tab, ready to write, but I just can't seem to find the right words. The right words to describe how I'm feeling, and on top of that I've been ill so nothing much has been happening in my life lately, apart from what you already know. But anyway, I am going to try now try to put it into words, somehow. Here goes nothing.

I've just felt weird lately, like I'm here but not here at the same time. Sometimes I feel like the world shuts me out completely, like time stops. I feel hollow, empty, and like no amount of love or fun will ever fill this giant hole that is here in my chest, gaping open with it's rugged edges. Gaping open waiting to be filled with something. With someone. I feel like someone stole my heart, but I don't know who. It's not him, not the guy from before, I know that, I feel it. It's like - like my heart is missing, and I don't even know the person who took it...not yet anyway, but I hope he's out there, and I hope I find him soon, or he finds me, because this gaping whole is empty, and I am hollow and alone, and all I want is to be fixed. For that someone to come and fill that hole in my chest. 

I've also felt really repulsive lately, like I am too ugly for anyone to like me, I question myself all the time, thinking "why would anyone love me?", chants of "I'm fat. I'm ugly." fill my mind constantly, and truthfully, I know I could be worse off than I am, but I'm just in a dark place right now, and I honestly don't want any ones pity, I just want to get it all off my chest. To vent...and why not share it with the whole world while I'm at it, because there has to be someone else out there that feels the same as I do right now, and I guess I just want that person to know that they are not alone. You might feel empty, hollow and alone - but you are not the only one.