Nerves.

Have you ever had a really huge crush on someone? The kind that makes your whole stomach feel like it's in one big knot that keeps tightening, and tightening, and tightening.. The kind that makes your heart beat a million miles per minute when you see a picture of them, or get a text from them or see them smile? 

That is how I feel right now. I am nervous as hell because tonight, tonight I am meeting up with this certain someone, and it's killing me. I am so afraid that I'll do something stupid. Say something stupid. Make him not like me. I guess that's normal, right? At least I hope it is, because all I really want is for him to like me, for who I am. And I've only met this person once before, and I am so scared that I'll meet up with him today and scare him away because I am a total weirdo.. Is that stupid, or what?

I am scared that I'll be totally lame when I'm drunk tonight, because we're going out to a club. But I'm even more worried about what he'll think of me when I'm sober, because like I've previously mentioned, I can be a little bit awkward at times.. And that like most things, becomes more prominent when I'm around the other sex. Which sucks. It's so stupid that I can't just be myself with everyone I meet, in stead of locking away the part of me that is really worth knowing when I meet new people. Because I do that. I do put up walls when I meet people, and it's because I don't want to get hurt, but I'm afraid that in the long run I'll miss out on so many great things because of it. And that, is such a disappointment.

All I want, and this might be a lot to ask, but all I want is for someone to love me. Is that too much to ask? Am I being to demanding? I've always said I'm the kind of girl that doesn't need a boyfriend to be defined, and I stand by that, but it would be nice to have someone. Someone to love, someone to love me. I once heard that; "Love is friendship set on fire." ...and that is what I want.