..and then there are times when you're not praying or hoping for something to happen, and then it does. It's like they say: when you stop thinking about it, focusing on it, that is when it will happen. I don't know if I really believed that before, I still don't know if I fully do, but I am convinced that there is some truth in that statement. It's not like I am writing this years after something happened, it is happening now, so I might not have as much perspective as someone who has gone thought this and written about it after the fact has, but fuck that.
What I am talking about of course, is a boy..(isn't it always?) To be honest I am just so scared at this moment in time. I am scared to fall. I am scared to get hurt. I am scared to open myself up completely, and I know that might sound dumb, and I get that people will say stuff like: "If you never try then you'll regret it." "What if this is IT." "It's going to be fine, don't worry." Well, that's exactly the thing, I worry. I worry all the time. I worry about getting hurt, I worry about opening up, I even worry about being too happy. Because I am so scared that one day I'll wake up and it'll all be gone. Because sharing yourself with someone that completely, and I don't mean just sexually (..because I worry about that too), but emotionally, it's not the same as having a best friend it's deeper, because this person has the potential to hurt you worse than anyone, because they will most likely get to know you in a way no one else knows you.
..and that, is fucking scary.
Well, now you know all that, I will leave you with some music by the amazing Lana Del Rey, because I am obsessed with her music lately. So amazing.
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